Love and Hate

Today I was about to do a paper for my ENG 399 class when i decided to browse the internet first. I would much rather do that than research anyway. As I started googling people that interests me, professors etc I decided to google my late father's name. I found a blog by my cousin Andy that he posted after my dad passed. I don't know why I didn't do that earlier because my dad is always on my mind. Today was full of surprises and some drama like Tina showed up where I work to interview people about a management job. I had inquired about it but it would be too much since I am in school also. I miss having my friend Jules at work. We quickly became friends after working closely together then she had to move on to seek better job oppertunities because she was passed over for 2 oppertunities at said company. She is now an assistant teacher for 1 year and I am happy for her and miss her dearly, but at the same time I encouraged her to chase her dream. She was a teacher in Albania and always had a passion for teaching, we are still in touch. A true friend is always there, near or far. She is so generous and I always knew she would be better off because when you give you always recieve in abundance. We were meant to be friends she also speaks Albanian and has a totally different culture and race but God wanted to bring us together and be friends.

I haven't blogged in a very long time, but today I stumbled upon my blog that I created about 2 years ago and thought I might be a good idea to continue documenting some of what is happening in my life. I am still in college and should graduate within the next year. It has been tough sometimes juggling college, full-time job, mother and wife but I have persevered and I've always felt that I could do better. It's that over-achiever in me, that is not satisified with any grade less than A, with wanting the better jobs and surrounding myself with family and kids. I've also been trying to save but it's difficult not just because of the economy spiraling downwards but I seem to be shopping more than I need. It's not helping that my husband likes to spend sometimes too. We discuss this often and decide not to but hopefully this time we are serious enough to put some of our income away. It has also been tough because my husband was on disability for 4 months due to a foot surgery but he is back to work starting today and as you can imagine he is tired. I am as well but my job is not physical, but summer session 2 is turning out better than summer 1 which I want to put past me. I will try to post more often from now on so I can reminisce about my past.

I have had quite an accomplishment this Summer, first by returning to college after 8 years while working full-time and being a full-time mom and wife. But I just can't take my eyes off the prize which at this time is to finish my degree. Work has been kinda hectic since I moved from my previous job to be closer to school and now that I could leave earlier to go to college. It is worth the sacrifice cause I just recieved my second grade and both are A's. I now feel even more motivated to study harder and to challenge myself. I've also registered for more courses in the fall now that I understand what is required. This past week I have had time to relax myself a great deal since my course is over. It is such a relief coming home early and not having assignments due the next day. Work is work, there I'm always busy. Today, I had to train someone for another site. I really don't like training staff because it really takes alot but I get alot of credit from my managers when I train someone new or do stuff that's not in my job description. Besides my director has become a very good friend of mine and she is always there if I need a favor or there is any promotion she does recommend me, another reason that I need my degree so I am not limited to what I can apply for. Actually, she was the one that suggests that I go back to college. I have a great job and it pays ok without a degree. Most people have a degree but don't make half as much so I wasn't planning to go back to college but I don't want to limit myself. I also get alot of insentives from friends at work that I love. It's all about teamwork!

I really don't have any enemies or rivals from my past or present, however, there are some people that I no longer wish to have as aquaintances. People that used to be my friend at one point in time but have grown up to be so very painfully different that I wish to say I never knew them. This is where I would cease all contact with people that are leading a disgraceful life. Another set of former friends are quite the opposite and think that they are better of that being friends with me which is totally fine with me. I don't need the "show off" as my friends anyway. Well, some people you just "click" with right away and well my instincts are most times right when it comes to judging people. Then there are the male friends who I honestly don't have any of, well ever since I got married, and that's not the reason, most of my male friends were from college whom I simply lost contact with. However, some guys think that we could be friends when I know it is not friendship they are after. So, true friends are hard to find and when you do have such friends you should cherish your friendship.

Well it rained again today as well as yesterday, but I could no longer stay indoors so we (my husband and son) decided to visit my in-laws who are visiting from Florida and since it's Father's Day we got something for my Father-in-law. I helped my son make a Father's Day Card for his dad which he loved, I also got him a card. However I really wanted to get him a new ipod headset but the store clerk said that they were sold out. He was a little disappointed and so was I. He's been complaining that he can only hear from one side of the headphone for weeks. I'll definitely check again this week to see if they are back in stock. It's really not my fault he is so picky about that particular kind. We had lunch by my in-laws and then went to do some shopping at Wal-mart. I got some party favors for my son's upcoming birthday on Tuesday and some grocery (which is so expensive now). Anyway, as we were leaving the rain came pouring down and we were drenched from head to toe. Well, Father's Day usually reminds me more of my Dad, who passed over two years ago and although it's supposed to be a very happy day I still miss my dad and wish he was still here. But life is such, I can't complain otherwise. It is great to see my husband and my son together, he adores him so much. He is a great father and husband.

I don't have many friends because as soon as I started to open up about my life I feel that they think I have it set. Which is not true at all. I mean, I am not in a terrible situation when it comes to finances or marriage or work. I do have an ok life nothing special, I do work hard and take care of my family but there are many day-to-day ups and downs that I have to sort through. I don't have the perfect life and never will but maybe people see this differently. Now, I hardly talk about my personal life unless I really know that person and don't get any strange vibes from them. I don't feel that I am in competition with anyone, if you have a great family, job etc. great for you, I am happy for anyone who's had accopmlishments. But somehow people don't see that, they are busy comparing notes on who has the better life. Immature, I think so! Who can be trusted? beats me! All I say friends come and go, they are not worth it if they can's see who I truly am.